January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010

January 2010 Alien (DVD) The first time I saw this movie, I confess I didn't get a lot out of it. But I've come to appreciate it a lot more when rewatching it and especially after having seen Aliens. It's a finely-crafted horror movie, gritty, dark, and even depressing sometimes, and I think what makes it work is how realistic it feels. Machinations of the future in which space travel is possible are often heavier on fantasy than sci-fi, but this movie finds the right balance, not least of which is courtesy of the down-to-earth bluecollar characters, and the claustrophobic, moody atmosphere. The alien itself (with its beautifully grotesque H.R. Giger design) is an incredibly unique movie monster and in this film it feels more like a real animal that's just doing its thing to survive (which makes it scarier in my opinion), than in some of the later films where it's just a typical B-movie killing machine. Rating: 4.5/5 Alien 3 (DVD) I watched the special edition because I remembered it being slightly better than the theatrical release, but if that's true, then the theatrical release must have been really bad. Aside from the obvious, often-cited problems (the setup making no sense at all), the movie is slow and boring and there is very little characterization. The beginning spends much time layering on symbolism so thick that it doesn't really work. Dr. Clemens, Dillon, and Superintendent Andrews are the only prisoners given any personality, and Clemens is killed off too early, and Andrews is annoying. When annoying people or people that you don't even know die, it can almost become comical. For instance, when Andrews is carted off by the alien just as he finishes his speech and so happens to step underneath an air vent. C'mon, even when Burke got it in Aliens, you didn't want to laugh. The weirdest thing of all is that it's obvious the whole point of this movie was to have an alien that runs like a dog, really swiftly and fast, and yet it's painfully obvious they didn't have the special effects technology to make it convincingly happen. Rating: 2/5 Aliens (DVD) By now, I have probably seen this movie more times than any other movie. If you saw any of the other Alien movies and didn't like them, I still demand that you see Aliens. It's the best of the bunch. Great characters, great story, great special effects (thank goodness this movie was made before CGI), lots of action, Sigourney Weaver is fantastic, and the Alien Queen is simply the most badass movie monster in existence. The battle against her at the end is a pure classic. I slightly prefer the theatrical release to the special edition, but both are extremely good. Like its predecessor, Alien, it deals with its subject matter in a frighteningly realistic fashion. It's easy to see why this movie influenced so many video games. It's a thrill ride from start to finish, with an ending so perfect that I wish the Aliens series could have just ended right here. Rating: 5/5 Charlie Wilson's War (DVD) This is a pretty decent movie, but I have one gripe with it: If you go into it not really knowing or understanding why Russia invaded Afghanistan, it kind of makes it look like the Russians are just trying to kill everyone there for no real reason. Nowhere is it mentioned that they were siding with a particular political party there. Aside from that, I thought the movie was informative, had some great moments, and until I saw it, I never would have thought I'd find a scene of helicopters being shot down by anti-air missiles uplifting. Rating: 3/5 Dark City (DVD) The moral of this movie is that if you're hiveminded, you can't be human. As a longtime denizen of the internet, that's a sentiment I can appreciate. This moral is told through a tale that seems frighteningly similar to Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer (see below), right down to both having a city that no one can escape from, a crazy guy in a dirty apartment saying he can't remember back past a certain point no matter how hard he tries, a scene where a car stops and people get out to remark that there should be a bridge here, and (most importantly) a scene where the camera pans away from the city so you can see it detached and floating in space. One major difference in Dark City from UY2 is that when that "city in space" scene occurs in UY2, there's still quite a bit of mystery left, whereas in Dark City, the mystery is over... and then it becomes a Dragon Ball Z fight. (I'm not kidding.) It's a good movie, but not one of my top favorites. Rating: 3/5 Garfield & Friends, Volume 4 (DVD) When I was a kid, I stopped watching this show after several seasons, and I don't exactly remember why. I don't know if the show got worse or if I just outgrew it, but this set, which contains parts of Seasons 5 and 6, indicates several possible reasons why. Almost all of the US Acres/Orson's Farm segments involve either Orson reading a book and having his imagination turn into reality, or some villain character stealing crops or chickens. Then you get the occasional episode that combines both. The Garfield segments are more tolerable, but are sometimes dull and seem to be repeating the same jokes they used in earlier seasons. Many of these episodes were completely new to me (I'd seen "Truckin' Odie" and the singing ants episode before, but that was about it), and yet I was still familiar with a lot of the jokes and conventions. It does have its bright spots. The "sending Nermal to Abu Dhabi" thing was old, and yet they still managed to make a pretty good set up to a punchline involving Garfield getting sent there instead. The "Snow Wade" episode was pretty funny, too, and I wondered how it was even possible they got the kissing scene past the censors. But there weren't enough moments like those and I started feeling bored with it by the end (that is, until that Garfield rap video that ended Season 5 totally creeped me out...) Rating: 2.5/5 Lemmings & Oh No! More Lemmings (PS1) Lemmings is a "puzzle" game in the true sense of the word - you actually have to solve situations to escort a bunch of bumbling critters across a dangerous trap-filled landscape to an exit door. This Playstation disc contains two fantastic games in one, with over 200 levels to complete. Great music, too. See the full review here. Rating: 4/5 Saturday Night Live: The Best of Christopher Walken (DVD) The thing about this "best of" collection is that it's extremely hit or miss. The funny sketches are really, really funny, but the unfunny ones are almost incomprehensible. The best sketches are the cowbell sketch, the two Continental sketches (and a third one in the extras that shows how one is made), and the Trivial Psychic (which is my all-time favorite Christopher Walken SNL sketch). But the ones that aren't funny tend to be real stinkers, like that one where Cheri Oteri is acting like a white trash woman on a porch, that bizarre centaur sketch, and those god-awful sketches where Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch are "Lov-ahs", which I greatly despise. The good sketches are good enough to almost give this a recommendation, but if you do rent or buy it, you'd probably be better off skipping the ones that are bad. Rating: 2.5/5 Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (DVD) The original space opera saga that started it all, A New Hope is still my favorite in the series because I feel it works the best as a stand-alone story. There's also nothing quite like the simple farmboy-to-hero storyline and the incredible Death Star battle in the end. I watched the Special Edition version (though I've seen the original many times), and the only problems I have with it are that dumbass Jabba scene and Greedo shooting first. If not for those issues, I'd really have no preference for which version to watch. The Special Edition is prettier, but I like the grittiness of the original, too. Other than that, what can I say that hasn't already been said? Rating: 5/5 Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer (DVD) This is still one of my favorite animated movies of all time. The characters are great, the artwork is good, the story is absorbing, and the humor is well-played. (Mendou reminds me so much of my own RAU Gallery character Chance Tomasaro, it's kind of scary.) The only problem is that I think the movie works best the first time you see it when it's all new to you. It appears the studio didn't have a very large animation budget, so there are a lot of scenes where nothing is moving, or there's only minimal movement. The film uses this to some effect to heighten the mystery (long camera pans across still settings as characters talk about what's going on), but when you know what the secret is, the lack of animation will be more obvious to you. I should also mention that I've never watched the version with the original Japanese voice actors, only the English dub, but unlike many anime fans, I think the English dub for this movie is just fine. "Tanks don't go bathing, you idiot!" still cracks me up every time I hear it. Rating: 4/5 BACK TO THE REVIEW INDEX

February 2010 Alien Resurrection (DVD) I don't hate this movie as much as many Alien fans do (I still contend that Alien 3 is the worst of the non-AVP movies), but it needed a serious rewrite for some scenes that are far too over-the-top and cartoony (like Purvis's death scene and that ricocheting bullet scene). These scenes needed to be toned down or removed altogether, and I hate the General Perez character on an almost irrational level (why didn't anyone involved in making this movie realize that a character who keeps crossing his eyes has no place in an Alien movie?) But some scenes are good and could almost have been "great" in a better movie, such as the clones scene and the swimming scene. I liked Ron Perlman's character, the alien effects are superb, and Sigourney Weaver was good as always, but Winona Ryder's acting wasn't very convincing at all. The gore factor is also much higher than the previous films, though it still seems cartoonish when you think about it in comparison to Kane's death from the first movie. Rating: 2.5/5 Saturday Night Live: The Best of Gilda Radner (DVD) Maybe I've just seen these sketches too many times or maybe I'm just older and less susceptible to them, but for some reason I found Gilda Radner a lot funnier when I was a kid. That's not to say there aren't laughs to be had here (Emily Litella, Roseanne Rosannadanna), but some of the sketches are more mysterious than funny (Candy Slice, Lisa Loopner prom sketch), and I laughed the hardest at one that didn't go the way it was planned (where Candice Bergen flubs a line and starts laughing at her mistake). I really could only recommend this to someone who is already a Gilda Radner and/or early SNL fan. With that said, most of what is here is at least okay, if not good, but the misinclusion of the Lisa Loopner sketch where they're laughing at Dan Aykroyd's pants falling down as he plays a refrigerator repairman is inexcusable. Rating: 2.5/5 Saturday Night Live: The Best of John Belushi (DVD) Ya know, when I would watch SNL years ago, all I kept hearing was how it used to be funny in the early years, but it sucks now. When I finally was able to see some reruns of earlier episodes, it seemed to me that the ratio of funny to unfunny sketches was just about the same... and this DVD might be the living proof of that. It starts out strong, but the second half tapers off and I noticed even the audience wasn't laughing too much at some of the sketches, like that Superhero sketch (which seemed to be more about Bill Murray as Superman than John Belushi, anyway), and that "Samurai Night Fever" sketch. If they wanted two Samurai sketches, I would have much preffered Samurai Tailor for the second one. The first half is good (especially the Cheeseburger, Blues Brothers, and Beethoven sketches), but once again, I can't really recommend it to anyone who isn't already a John Belushi fan. Rating 2.5/5 BACK TO THE REVIEW INDEX

April 2010 Demon's Crest (SNES) When I played this game years ago, I kept getting up to a boss I couldn't beat and giving up, which made the game seem like it was impossible to make any progress in. When I tried it again recently, I discovered it was a lot easier than I thought it was. The problem is that once you find a boss you can beat, and enough powerups, you can blow through most of the game very quickly. Once it was all over, it didn't feel much like I'd beaten a game at all. The funny thing is that I never got the worst ending by getting to the final boss as soon as it is possible to do so, which seems to happen to almost every other person who has ever played this game, except those of us who had the "falling down the tornado" trick spoiled in Nintendo Power magazine. By getting everything there is to find, you can fight a secret boss that has nothing to do with the rest of the game, but it isn't very hard and it's more a battle of attrition than anything. The graphics are really pretty to look at and the music is nice (I might concede that the soundtrack is better than I thought it was, although it does work best in the game itself), and it does have a few challenging parts and some mild exploration fun, but it needed to be a lot more than what it is. Rating: 2.5/5 Mortal Kombat (DVD) Yes, this is one of the better video game to movie adaptations, but that says more about how bad video game movies are than it does about how good this movie is. The funny thing is that up until the tournament begins, it at least tries to follow a plot, even if it is corny and cheesey. But once the fighting starts, the rules range from unclear, to non-existent, to made up as it goes along. The movie is colorful, looks appropriately like the game's art style, there's a lot of fun action scenes, and it was casted well, but it feels like they tried to fit in too many characters, leaving some (like Scorpion and Sub-Zero) with little or no personality, and others underdeveloped (Johnny Cage becomes a non-entity after the fight with Goro, and Kano's presence almost feels pointless). I also felt cheated by the ending. I know it's setting up for a sequel, but if the whole point is for the mortals to win the tournament so the Emperor can't invade, and he does anyway, it kind of makes all that "destiny" mumbo-jumbo look pointless. I still dig the soundtrack, though. Rating: 2.5/5 BACK TO THE REVIEW INDEX

May 2010 Arrested Development, Season 1 (DVD) If you've heard anything about Arrested Development, chances are you've not only heard how funny it is, but also phrases like clever, witty, quirky, offbeat, ahead of its time, refreshing, etc. Let me say that all of it is true, as this is simply one of the best comedy series to ever grace American TV airwaves. It's about a wealthy and very highly-dysfunctional family (arguably pushing the envelope even farther than shows like The Simpsons and Married... With Children did) that somewhat-parodies the George W. Bush administration and the War in Iraq, yet stands completely on its own as well. Jason Bateman is perfect as the straight man Michael Bluth in this comedy of errors, as he must (often futilely) contend with his narcissisitic mother and siblings, as well as his father's criminal activities that have caused the downfall of their family-owned housing development business. The writing is so impressive and so airtight, that even if you don't actually laugh at the outcomes of every episode, you can still be impressed with how well everything comes together. There are so many double entendres, plays on words, and foreshadowing that you may have to watch everything twice to catch it all. If there is any complaint I could have for Season 1 it's that the series hasn't quite hit its stride yet. If you've heard about some of the zanier things that happen in the later series (like Tobias turning blue or dressing as Mrs. Featherbottom), you won't find them here. But that doesn't mean the series wasn't off to a great start. (GOB trying to throw the envelope into the ocean was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.) Rating: 4.5/5 The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64) "It's just A Link to the Past in 3D!" That's the way I've most often heard this game described in a nutshell, and while that is kind of true, at least it's an extremely well done "A Link to the Past in 3D". The dungeon designs are excellent, the puzzles are confounding as ever, and the boss fights are fun (even though most of them are rather easy). The graphics and music are top-notch, and the control is really good. There is so much to see, discover, and do in this game that I wrote a whole FAQ on how to find everything. This is also the first Zelda game I know of to have a completely optional dungeon, which was nice. The only problem is that the game's difficulty peaks around the Water Temple (a little more than halfway through), and the rest of the game feels either rushed or running low on ideas. I've seen complaints that the game is too short (!!), but I personally feel it's better that it ended before it started to drag on too long. Yes, Hyrule Field could have been a bit less large and empty, but I don't honestly feel it hurts the game as much as some critics do (things like Epona and the Warps make it easier to get around). The Forest Temple, Fire Temple, and Water Temple are three of my all-time favorite Zelda series dungeons. One of the greatest things this game has going for it is its atmosphere. Weirdness is no stranger to the Zelda series, but Ocarina of Time certainly cranked it up a notch with bizarre enemies like the ReDeads and Dead Hand minibosses, the quirky Hyrule inhabitants, and disturbing settings like the Shadow Temple and Bottom of the Well. Though Zelda in 3D won't be everyone's cup of tea, I still feel confident in giving it a strong recommendation. Rating: 4/5 BACK TO THE REVIEW INDEX

June 2010 Air Buster (Genesis) I only beat this on Easy and Normal, but I'm writing a capsule because I'm not sure how much more I'm willing to play it on the Hard mode. Air Buster is a typical Genesis space shooter that's similar to Thunder Force and feels rather lackluster in many regards. While it doesn't start off too badly, you'll soon discover that when you die, you lose all of your powerups (fair enough), but then your regular gun is too weak to kill most enemies within a reasonable number of hits (not fair!). It's so weak, it's hard to even destroy the powerup capsules before they leave the screen, so you're pretty much screwed. The reason I stopped playing the Hard mode was because I got to a boss that I ended up fighting for over 5 minutes, due to how weak my weapon was. As if that wasn't enough, someone thought it would be a cute idea in Levels 4 and 5 to represent zero gravity by having your spaceship's controls become more "floaty". In other words, pressing a direction on the control pad causes the ship to move in that direction until it hits the edge of the screen, hits an enemy, or you press another direction. You can compensate somewhat by constantly holding left, but it's still awkward as hell. Some of the level designs, graphics, and music are okay, but it feels like even the best efforts in these areas were only half-hearted. And what is with those bizarre loading delays between stages? We're shown a picture of five anime-style characters, but nowhere is it explained who they are. I'm suspicious this game was designed for a CD-based system, which was meant to have cinema scenes featuring these characters, but the game ended up on a cartridge system and they omitted the cutscenes, but sloppily left the loading screens in. Rating: 2/5 Arrested Development, Season 2 (DVD) This is the season where things really pick up on this show. The episode "Good Grief" (which parodies the Peanuts cartoons), is one of my all-time favorites, including great lines of dialogue such as: Michael Bluth: I think George-Michael is hiding Ann in the attic. Lindsay Bluth Fünke: From who, the Nazis? Michael Bluth: It’s as Ann as the nose on Plain’s face. George Michael Bluth: I have Pop Pop in the attic. Michael Bluth: The mere fact that you call making love "Pop Pop" tells me that you're not ready. "Sad Sack" and "Afternoon Delight" are awesome episodes, too, and so are many others, but if I talked about every one, this would end up being a full review instead of a capsule. I almost feel like it's not a bad idea to recommend watching some Season 2 episodes to someone who may have seen Season 1 and wasn't too impressed by it. There's a lot more of GOB's hapless and hilarious attempts at being a professional magician, Tobias's further descent into his closeted realm of homosexuality, and Buster loses his hand to a seal. What more could you possibly want? Rating: 5/5 Crash Bandicoot (PS1) I decided to play this game because I wanted to see how one of the Playstation's flagship 3D platformers compared to the N64 platformers I've finished (Super Mario 64, Banjo-Kazooie, and Donkey Kong 64). I was quite shocked to find out that Crash Bandicoot is completely on rails and even has sidescrolling stages, and really isn't all that comparable to them. But don't get me wrong, it was a rather pleasant surprise, as the game often felt to me like a merger of the best aspects of platform action games with 3D environments. The graphics are absolutely gorgeous and the level designs contain some of the toughest platform jumping and enemy-dodging I've seen. The game owes a lot to the Donkey Kong Country series, right down to the island settings and the similar style of action, but that's not a bad thing. If there's any dark cloud beneath all this silver lining it's that the boss fights are rather lame and feel like they were just placed here and there out of some arbitrary commitment. All of them are piss-easy, including the final boss, but I'm not going to complain about that too much because Crash has a lot more going for it in the stage designs than a lot of other games do. (I also may not have minded if the control had been fine-tuned a bit, too, but it's adequate.) Rating: 4/5 Heavy Barrel (Arcade) Crawl and I credit-fed through this game at a local arcade place. I don't honestly remember a whole lot about it now, except that the game was glitching out a lot (with the text all being unreadable) and there was some kind of special weapon that basically acted like a mace that was really useful. I think we assembled the Heavy Barrel once or twice, too. The game is a rather monotonous Ikari Warriors clone (even down to the twisty controls), but there's nothing as weird as the corpse boss in that game and I don't really fancy the idea of playing through it ever again. I honestly had more fun winning prizes out of the claw machines. Rating: 2/5 Kid Icarus (NES) I replayed this game for the first time in years and also (for the first time ever) beat the Japanese version, too. Both my shrine and my original review were written back when I didn't write very well, and thus I feel that neither really explained exactly what makes this game so much fun for me. It's all about the tension of being over top of a bottomless pit for much of it. The stages tend to be long and meticulously designed, so one slip-up can spell disaster. There is something satisfying about finally making it to the end of a stage without falling or succumbing to the enemy onslaught. The maze-like dungeon levels are also fun and challenging to navigate, thanks in part to those infamous Eggplant Wizards that can turn you into a functionless squash. Yes, the last level is a complete throwaway, but I don't really mind that too much since the game offers enough thrills beforehand (and a New Game + so you can try for better endings afterwards!) Note: I revised my complete review in July 2010, after writing this capsule. The original version was too terrible to leave as it was. Rating: 3.5/5 Knights of the Round (Arcade) Crawl and I also credit-fed through this game at a local arcade place. It's a typical beat-em-up with its major draws being the medieval setting and the ability to occasionally ride on horses. Otherwise, it's pretty dull and straight-forward. However, I did end up laughing hysterically at Arthur's really gay jumping animation, and the fact that Lanceleot looks nearly identical to Charlotte from Samurai Shodown, so that's gotta count for something. Methinks this game may have been made on the cheap since Perceval's sprite is very obviously a modified Mike Haggar sprite from Final Fight. There is so much happening on the screen most of the time that I often had a hard time following it, and I think it made me a little physically ill. By the time we were done, I felt very woozy and light on my feet. Rating: 1.5/5 Pac-Man Arrangement (Arcade) This was the best of the games Crawl and I credit-fed through at the arcade place, and it's one of six games on Namco Classics Vol 2. It's an updated version of Pac-Man that allows two players to play simultaneously, but there are a lot more changes than just that. There's a fifth ghost that appears every so often and bestows special powers on the other ghosts when he collides with them. For example, the purple ghost will turn into a bunny that can hop over the maze walls. The mazes change and the items change, and it can get pretty fast and intense in the later stages. Unlimited credits and having two players pretty much guarantees getting to the end (and it has a final boss fight!), but I can imagine this being a good challenging game if the credits were limited and if I only played it by myself (unfortunately, it doesn't work properly on MAME). As such, this rating is just kind of tentative, but I have to rate it something. Rating: 3/5 BACK TO THE REVIEW INDEX